She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
