if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
