...so i touched it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
