What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
