I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Panties = found
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
