i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
