I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
