Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
