jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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