I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm both gender and math confused
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
