sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize