First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
whose parrot is this?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
