i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
