i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
