That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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