dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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