Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
