this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
