sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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