Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
