woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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