I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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