Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
