As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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