Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
