were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
