so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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