? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I faked an abortion last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
