My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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