her vagine was all disorganized.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
