gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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