Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
