Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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