mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
