We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
