the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
