Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
