Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
