I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I color on your dick again?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
