Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
