where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
