Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
