There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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