bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize