I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
