highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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