Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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