i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
