is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
