all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
