That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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