I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
