idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
