they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
