wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
