I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
