i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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