I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
