Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
