This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
