I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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