I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
